Mike Oncley
pick me
unknown
You have always been ambitious and i love that about you. Your only 20 but you have already started up your own business and it is doing so well, i couldn't be more proud to call you my boyfriend. and you know that, i helped you set it up. i came up with the name , and i did all the design and advertising for it.
i understand owning your own business , especially when your so young is stressful and you have to work a lot, i try and make it easier for you by helping out as much as i can. i make dinner for you , do your washing and clean your house when you've been too busy .. the list goes on and on.
But one thing that upsets me , is that sometimes you work when you don't have too.. Your mum calls you a workaholic , and id agree. although i didn't think it was a bad thing. Until i started feeling less and less important. and realised that in the last 6 months , Ive been finding myself up the mountain, staring at the ocean alone, our little place we used to go every week at least once and walk the dogs.
Ive told you about this, we have even had fights over it. How your work always comes first and how i always have to wait till everything is done before i even get a "hey babe how are you'. But you always say sorry and tell me you don't mean too and your gonna start leaving work related issues behind when the doors close at 5 o'clock. i always believe you, cause i love you and i want to take your word for it.
But then things like tonight happen : i ask if you would like to have dinner with me and my parents at 7. you say yes although you have a few things to do before hand but you'll be there.. great, I'm excited.
its then 7 and your not here, i call you and you say your still working and you'll be another hour, but your so sorry and you'll make it up to me.
its now 8.53 and your still not here. Me and my parents have already eaten. i go to call you to ask where the hell you are. and my mum tells me to stop nagging you, your busy and you'll come when your ready.
Why is it OK for you to always let me down and put work before me . Why doesn't everyone else see how frustrating it is to have to fight for your own boyfriends attention .
i love you , but just once i want you to forget about work and dedicate one night to me. i don't think its too much to ask.
is it?
Please, pick me. i'm tired of waiting.
♥ Claud
Illustrated curiosity
h&m scarf as top
old asos belt
zara skirt
photos by my mother
In the middle of my chaotic move I wanted to calm down for a bit and remember the peaceful summer evenings.. these pictures are taken by my mother who has been photographing all her life, mostly horses.. these young mares live among many other horses on our farm in finland, I guess I forgot to tell you that we have a few.. and that I grew up among them
On the move
Packing packing and more packing... tomorrow the movers will come and I still have ALOT to box.. A few quick shots from the mess.. (It might be time to confess my obsession with..... dinosaurs) also check out my new amazingggggg boots... these darlings are from river island! I can not wait to start decorating the new flat, I promise to do a proper post on it when it's done! but now I need some interior inspiration... any pics/ideas/blogs...? please tell meee!
love you all
x
wondering if it is worth it.
unknown
I try so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and all of my close friends have felt it, except for me. I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn, after all I am only 18. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense, I convince myself that I'm only going to get hurt and what's the point? I wont end up marrying this person, or probably even dating them for that long so why risk hurting myself. This summer I finally decided to take a risk and talk to this guy that I met briefly at school. We immediately hit it off, and kept in close contact the two weeks I went away on vacation. I was so thrilled and excited and ready to take a risk and let myself get hurt because I thought this time would be worth it and maybe I wouldn't get hurt for awhile or maybe not at all. I came back from my trip and immediately went out with him.
It was the best date i'd ever been on, I felt comfortable with him and wasn't scared or nervous about what was going to happen. After the date I was flooded with so many emotions I had never felt before, I was nervous and excited in a good way and couldn't wait to see him again. However, after the date all contact between us was forced and it seemed like he was blowing me off. I was completely flabbergasted, how could he be blowing me off after we talked everyday for two weeks and had this incredible date? Am I young and naive in thinking it was more than it really was? I tried to keep in contact because I didn't want this one to get away, I had let him in unlike anyone else before and didn't want to let him go.
It's been a couple weeks, we have barely spoken and any communicating is contrived and strange. I have given up, if he doesn't want to speak to me why should I speak to him? Any courage that I gained from the beginning of this relationship I have lost completely. I can't help but think, how is this fair? I actually risked my feelings for this person and where was my reward? Finally I am the one who tried my hardest to make it work, and I end up the one alone. Any hope that I have left for love is almost gone. Friends keep telling me that one day I'll find someone. Some how I don't believe it. Not everyone falls in love, not everyone gets married, who is to say that it'll ever happen for me? I was once told that if I want it to happen for me it will. But how can it when I try so hard to make it happen and it still doesn't?
I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful because the idea of love is all that keeps me going, I'm holding onto the idea of love being bigger than anything in the whole world and that it will completely change my life. But at the same time the thought of it barely slipping out of my grasp hurts so badly. Love to me is like a double edged sword and I am constantly wondering if it is worth it.
- S
sons & daughters in downtown san francisco
Confession: this trip to Sons & Daughters exactly a week ago actually pulled me out of an intense appetite-stealing depression resulting from a certain personal situation. After a shitty, shitty week, Friday finally rolled around and my friends Megan and Sam invited me out for dinner before the Nasty Gal x Lookbook party (which I probably usually would have skipped out on if it weren't for my coworkers, it's just not my thing). Maybe I was still feeling under the weather when I first sat down but as soon as that meal started, I totally forgot about what was bothering me and just let myself go. It's kind of scary to lose your appetite when you enjoy food as much as I do... I'm feeling much better now, thank you.
The first thing that caught my attention and contributed to my abnormal burst of happiness at this restaurant? THE PLAYLIST. The Smiths, Bowie, Radiohead, Interpol, and even Arcade Fire... I could hardly sit still. The three of us went with the four course meal (sans the wine pairing, maybe next time) and while Megan and I chose all of our courses, Sam decided to let our waiter (who was really attentive and awesome about explaining everything) choose everything for him. Man, I wish all waiters were like him. Always spot on with his responses to our questions and never pushy, that's how everyone should be. First we had an amuse bouse with cucumber slices and little roe-like spheres of honey and bread with butter and hawaiian pink sea salt crystals while we waited for our first courses.
Next came my oxtail tartare with miso, juniper berry, chervil, and potato chips and Megan's cream of beet soup with creme fraiche. Our waiter chose the tartare for Sam and we were all quite pleased with our first courses. I remember trying my best to scoop up every last bit off of my plate... it was that good. The soup was also pretty decent from what I can recall but I definitely liked mine best. Megan and I chose the same second course, the sweetbreads and dungeness crab with pureed garbanzo beans, baby greens, and a light dijon foam. Sam ended up with the seared foie gras which came with a yogurt and concord grape granite. Terrific, terrific. My favorite part about that second course was definitely the crab since you could taste how fresh it was with just the right amount of seasoning.
And finally, the third course. This is where you can tell that I was starting to lose my light and I actually considered not posting these but it's so hard not to share them. Megan got the squab breast and confit leg with chickpeas, maitake mushrooms, and savory jus while Sam and I had the lavender pork belly and pork tenderloin with torpedo onions, an herb puree, and barley. Again, I am SO GLAD I chose what I got and I would definitely get it again. Okay, so maybe I just happen to be so in love with pork that I naturally gravitate towards it with every chance I get (Cochon 555 again next year, anyone?), but still, I've had some pretty mediocre pork tenderloin and this one was exceptional. I think the biggest problem I have with pork tenderloin is that I love it so much that I'm super picky about it and to me it's either not cooked right or overseasoned yet this one was just perfect. Even Megan who was satisfied with her own dish admitted that she wished she had chosen the pork.
(Not pictured is the fourth course, dessert, since I totally lost my lighting by then. In any case, we all had the vanilla panna cotta with blueberries and a lemon verbena gelee at the top which was fantastic, of course.)
For what you get, Sons & Daughters is totally underpriced since I'd usually expect to pay much more for the quality of food that I had there. At no point during the meal did I ever feel stuffy or uncomfortable, the entire time I was at ease talking to my friends and enjoying a spectacular meal. You know, even if you're not into the idea of spending so much money on pricey meals, even as a college student I try to set aside a bit of money so I can treat myself to a great meal every once in a while. Buying new clothes and other material possessions can be fun but to me, nothing compares to the simple inherent pleasure that you experience when that first bite hits your mouth and all of your senses start to work together to process the meal in front of you. It's amazing to see how much happiness can come from something as necessary as eating...
(Not pictured is the fourth course, dessert, since I totally lost my lighting by then. In any case, we all had the vanilla panna cotta with blueberries and a lemon verbena gelee at the top which was fantastic, of course.)
For what you get, Sons & Daughters is totally underpriced since I'd usually expect to pay much more for the quality of food that I had there. At no point during the meal did I ever feel stuffy or uncomfortable, the entire time I was at ease talking to my friends and enjoying a spectacular meal. You know, even if you're not into the idea of spending so much money on pricey meals, even as a college student I try to set aside a bit of money so I can treat myself to a great meal every once in a while. Buying new clothes and other material possessions can be fun but to me, nothing compares to the simple inherent pleasure that you experience when that first bite hits your mouth and all of your senses start to work together to process the meal in front of you. It's amazing to see how much happiness can come from something as necessary as eating...
Graphic organizers
h&m jacket and pants
elizabeth and james top
miu miu heels
Hi you all! stiiillll some images from finland, but we are already getting in to the colder weather spirit right? I'll try to post some london pictures over the weekend. Atm. I am busy moving and trying to pack.. but it's super exciting! I am moving in to a new flat here in london! now everything is a mess and I need to buy more important stuff and less shoes.. hehe.. we'll see..
as for what I am wearing, I think h&m did a great job on the printed pieces that you surely have seem on.. erhm, everyone.
x
Finnish summer album
photos by me and stefanie
Pictures from my finnish summer! warm summer nights and more desserts than actual food.. FYI the last pic (and the one after my miu miu clogs) is taken at 1.30 am in july! it does not get darker than that.. epic. Hope you all had a awesome summer, now let's welcome fall.
xxx
Wooden wall
zara silk jumpsuit
miu miu clogs
pictures by stefanie
I am cleaning my computer from the 13 000+ photos I have in my photo libary.... and found these! they where taken at our summer house in front of some firewood that my dad prowdly chucked and neatly stacked..