our fire never went out

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I've always been a die hard fan of true love. I've always scoffed at people who said love didn't exist or love left you with nothing but a broken heart, a carton of Ben & Jerry's, and too many used tissues. I've always hated people who brought up the divorce rate in my face when I mentioned how in love my parents are and how rare at is. I've wanted to punch people in the face who told me that my parents would probably end eventually.

The thing is, I kinda have hard love life shoes to fill. My parents met when they were 15 at their mutual summer resort destination and since then they were head over heels in love. They have been married 24 years and I've never seen two people so crazy about each other. They wrestle and tickle each other and make out all the time, you'd think they were 17-year-olds. They are two of the most passionate people I have ever met and ever since I was 5, I've wanted what they have.

I've always thought that it was a 1 in a thousand chance of finding your true love at 15 and being together for all that time. That is until I met you.

We started dating in sophomore year of high school and god were we in love. We were the biggest abusers of PDA but the truth was we just couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I just didn't think I could be that in love with someone and have it last. Maybe that's what broke us in the end. You didn't trust me with your heart really and I took you for granted way too many times. I assumed that our love could withstand wild fire and you were sure that I'd never leave. But there were other problems too. Your parents were horrible and they caused you to have issues that I wasn't fit to deal with. I didn't know how to make you happy, to make you comfortable in your own shoes. I wanted to know that if I wasn't around you'd be okay.

And like all passionate romances, we ended in the summer a year later. I made the mistake of thinking I wanted to be wild and free and you made the mistake of never moving on. We stayed together off and on forever but we both knew we weren't going to get back together. Something had just changed in us that neither of us knew coming until it bit us in the ass.

I met him and he was sweet. He was nice to me. Not to mention he seemed to be completely stable and something that I could not feel worn down by during the ever tiring junior year. I sound like a bitch writing this and it sort of makes me hate myself, but I guess love can bring out the worst in you too. The truth is I've been with him 8 months and I still can't live without you in my life. Don't get me wrong I love him. Or at least I think I do, but then how does that explain that my heart pounds when you tell me I look beautiful or when you tell me you're mad I go into a frenzy and panic.

People say that true love never really goes away. I believe that the reason I can't live without you is just under my nose, I just haven't come to terms with it yet. Maybe we're done for good. Something tells me we're not. Our fire never went out, trust me. And the sad thing is, I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on...

-M

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our fire never went out

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What I've been up to...

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teenvogue

So kinda the reason why I've been a bad blogger is because I have been putting most of my time in to my uni projects... I get quite a few emails and questions about my course and what it is about so I thought a few words on it could be in place.. I am on my 2nd year on a fashion design and marketing degree at london college of fashion. It is a very commercial degree where you learn to work on design development & construction supported by marketing reports, I would say LCF is quite a business driven university, especially journalism and PR are know to be very good degrees, if you want to do more art based design and think about launching your own collections, I would recommend central saint martins.

I designed and made this dress as part of my latest project, the brief was to design something in jersey, sportswear or inspired by. The whole concept started from vintage tennis clothing so countless sketches and developments later this dress was what I decided to make.. there is a lot of work - both written and physical that needs to be put in to the projects, but I am not going to bore you with that now..

so yeah.. that's pretty much my last few months.. I now have april off before I start my final project.. and instead of staying in london to sort out important things, catch up and so, I am going to morocco for a month!! yeah insane, but soooo exciting

so I'll try my best to make up for my lack of posts with some 'chiffondressinthewindonadesert' photos

casual

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What I've been up to...

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Alexstrasza - A Dragon Queen will be born

My last post was long ago and I guess it's really time to show you something new!
Like always I'm really busy with making costumes. But I haven't made so much progress with my Demon Hunter and my Druid Tier 9, because I had to cancel all my current projects for a special commission: An Alexstrasza costume for all upcoming events of the World of Warcraft Trading Card Game in Europe! And yeah, that's right, I got an awesome new job (and quit my old boring office job) and become a member of the wonderful Apotheosis Agency. It was a long, long dream to quit my old job and find something better, something more creative, but I didn't expect getting my dream job. So, I'm still not able to believe it, but all I can say is: AWESOME!

My very first duty was, to create a costume for my upcoming jobs at the european WoW TCG events of Cryptozoic: This costume is Alexstrasza, the Lifebinder from World of Warcraft.

I got this job about 2 months ago and so it was the time when I still... how should I put it... was in my after-Christmas-sweets-time. So, I was still pretty fat and started to work out a lot on my crosstrainer to be get back into shape again. After 2 months of hard work and diets I was pretty successful and already lost over 12 pounds (4 pounds left) and at that time I started my research and plans for the costume.

There were many problems: What materials should I use for the armor? How can I create the pattern at the armor parts? How should I attach the horns and style the wig? How should I create the golden borders at the armor? And many, many more questions. After about 3 weeks of research and experimenting I chose this material for the armor base: EVA foam
I guess it's the same like EVA foam, "Goldy foam" (cosplay.com) or Lion Board. Or it just works in the same way. It's very flexible, durable and you can form it with heat, so it's just perfect for a comfortable armor. Because of the pattern and my good experience with my last costumes I chose my furniture / teflon leather for the cover. And because of all the time I spent researching I started with something I'm well skilled and have fun: Carving expanding foam!

As you can see, my horns were the very first part to get a shape.

Then I tested my learned methods at the first armor part, the head piece, and was very satiesfied with the result. I just used Wonderflex (order this awesome material at the right side, ha ha! XD) for the base, covered it with teflon leather, soldered the patterns with a soldering gun and added shadows with Copic markers.

Now it was time to start with my gem stone experiments and many different mixtures with colors followed:

I searched a long time for the right way and my final decision was this tutorial. In this picutre the blue one was colored with nail polish. And this was the final result:

I'm pretty happy that I got so much time for this costume (3 months) and so I wanted to create this costume as good as possible and just became obessed with it. So, I kept on experimenting with the EVA foam and the right way to create the armor. I started with the bra and sadly it ended in a fail:

Unfortunately I still have many problems with sewing and I'm also pretty bad in creating patterns. This one was just too big, wouldn't fit and was just... wrong. The next version was much better:

As you can see I used an ordinary bra for the base and covered it with teflon leather. Now came the hard part: The golden borders. Again I researched and tried again until I found a way I was satiesfied with:

The method I used to create the borders was very time consuming and I needed a bit of skill and luck with the material to do it right. I cut long stripes with a triangle shape out of the foam and used fluid glue to cover it with stretchy golden fabric. To create these borders burned most of the time I needed for this costume! And this was the result of my work and my diet:

I'm still working on this costume and so the bra is still not finished, but I kept on working on further armor parts with the same techniques:

That's the current status of my project and as you can see I'm done soon. And I really cannot wait for this day!

I'm not able to focus myself on one goal and just finish one costume part, so I'm always working on different parts at the same time. So I finished my tiara in the same time (all the golden parts you see is just golden painted Wonderflex) and started with my wig.

This time I didn't use a wig with cheap quality (like all my other wigs) from China. No, now I got a wonderful and very durable one (it got a lof of pain later! XD) from the german cosplay shop mycostumes.

And because of all my experiments with it, I was really happy to have chosen this wig. I tortured it with Copic markers (tried to dye it), styled it with hot water, hair dryer and hair straightener and brushed it many, many times. Dispite of this it still looks like new and I was able to find the right technique to style and attach the horns.

So, Benni got a new paint job and did it very well (like always) and it was time to attach them.

The horns were one of my biggest problem and I really tried a lot of methods to fix them: Magnets, bobby pins, hair bands, belts and much more. The final solution was to sew the horns direcly to the wig like in this wonderful progress I found on cosplay.com. So you see guys: Posting progress is something really awesome and you help guys like me with your projects!

After I solved the biggest problem I added the details, styled the wig and was really satiesfied with the result. There are still some tiny things to do, but I guess it looks already nice.

And it's a great feeling to wear them, ha ha! But they are a bit too heavy because of the size of the horns and all the details! I still have to test if I'm able to wear them for a whole day. Hopefully it will work!

Now I only have to show you my cloak (used chiffon and dyed it to make it a bit darker at the bottom) and hope you enjoyed to take a look at my progress. You'll find more at my facebook progress site soon and the finshed costume will be done in the next weeks, too!

And then I had an awesome photoshoot with Andy Kämmer and my Druid Tier 8 costume:

Okay, and I guess now I'm done! More progress will follow soon!

So, follow, like and add me and be busy with your own projects, too! See you next time!

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Alexstrasza - A Dragon Queen will be born

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the beach? in march?

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outfit

snapshots

eyelet dress c/o White Crow Boutique, Amper Tote c/o One Language, Rachel Comey boots, Ray Ban wayfarers

If anyone needed a clearer example of how bipolar the weather is here in San Francisco, just look at my blog. A couple posts ago I was baring my legs at the beginning of the month then as the weeks progressed the weather got worse with a few nice days here and there. It's kind of hard to believe that in my last post less than a week ago I was wearing a heavy coat and oversized scarf when I post pictures from the beach like these! I had been wearing a different outfit earlier during a job interview and was sweating profusely in pants and a trench by the time I met up with Megan to enjoy the weather at the beach. I know 75 degrees isn't exactly burning hot (especially compared to the weather in LA, where I hear it almost reached 90) but here that's totally acceptable as beach weather. For further proof, refer to this post from last summer when Brent and I tried to have a picnic in this same location. Thanks, San Francisco!

There were people around us in bikinis and beach wear but I'm not really into that so I just wore a simple dress and threw on an H&M cardigan when it was finally chilly around 7. Can you guess where we went to pick up food for a beach picnic? Look, I'm all for eating at amazing restaurants around the city (last night Brent and I went to Frances for our two year anniversary, totally deserved their Michelin star!) but sometimes you just really want Taco Bell. How can you go wrong at a place with a 99 cent burrito that has Fritos in it and has Mountain Dew as a fountain option? Seriously, you guys.

And just for a little added bonus, here's a quick peek inside my bag. My red Millimeter Milligram is from Rare Device (they no longer stock it unfortunately), mini campus notebook is from a store in Japantown, make up bag is Fog Linen from Atomic Garden in Oakland, and I'm sure I don't have to list where everything else is from... one of these days I'll try to empty it out and show everything neatly organized.

By the way, I updated/reopened my shop blog with new things and deleted what was sold...

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the beach? in march?

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when you see his name

lena sophia + unknown

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when you see his name

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Writing breathe on a post-it

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teenvogue

acne shirt

cos pants

elin kling x hm necklace

acne shoes

river island nails polish

photos by tasha

Hey... finally I feel like I have my life back, handed my uni project in on monday and then slept for 18 hours. I sound like a broken record, but maybe now I finally have some time to catch up again..

as you may have noticed I have been quite dedicated to wearing acne lately.. this shirt was one of the gems I picked up from from acne archive in stockholm

thanks for all the supportive comments

xxx

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Writing breathe on a post-it

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my sweet little revenge

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It's done. It's been done for a few months now. How did it end? If I recall correctly it was me realizing your immaturity and you not willing to put me before your friends, not even for the little things. After that, you thought you would get your revenge by claiming you liked someone else, some dumb girl you barely even knew who I knew would never like you back. Well your plan worked. It broke my heart. Even though I had wanted to end it, knowing you liked her while we were still together killed me. I was shattered into a million little pieces, and thought there was nothing in the world that could put me back together.

But something did. It was my new found self confidence. When I realized I deserved so much better than you, the pieces very slowly began to reassemble. And then I began noticing. That more and more guys would smile at me, try to talk to me, give me compliments. That made the pieces come together more quickly. The best part about it was, I never needed to get revenge in order to become whole again. Hurting you wouldn't make me feel any better, because I simply didn't care about you anymore. You broke my heart, made me feel like shit, and then did it again. Now all I see are those wasted months with you, the time spent waiting for you to show you cared.

So now I'm putting that last piece back together. I've found someone who cares, found someone who will put me before his friends, found someone who truly loves me. And I love him back. And there is no doubt in my mind that you are completely gone. I don't ever think about you when I'm with him. There are no lingering thoughts about us in my head, about "what could have been". This isn't one of those stories where I realized I've always still loved you. No. In fact, I don't know if I ever loved you, because now that I know what true love is, I know what I felt when I was with you sure as hell wasn't this.

So in a sense my happiness is my sweet little revenge.

Goodbye. Forever.